The Biblical tales of immorality leading to destruction are numerous. The most obvious one, at least to me, is the Romans, because they are the only culture that recorded their history from the beginning to the end, so we can clearly see and study how they declined.
I agree that they were immoral. The gladiators, the vomitoriums, all of that behavior that led to them weakening from the inside out were indeed what caused their downfall.
However, sex is not immoral. So when people say that our culture is crumbling because of sexuality, I can't help but laugh.
Irresponsibility is immoral. Excess is immoral. Cruelty is immoral. And while these things can be seen through the filter of sexuality, sexuality is NOT inherently immoral.
I simply do not understand the people who say it is.
Sex is beautiful. Sex creates life, for one thing, and it can result in pleasure, and connection, and communication. These things are very moral. Whethere it's polyamorous or homosexual or BDSM doesn't matter.
Saying all sex is immoral is like saying all sex is rape--it simply isn't true, and no sane persion thinks it is.
My lifestyle is not threatened by the Bible, because I don't just look at Christianity's viewpoint. There was a world before Christ, and there will be one after Christ. Yes, our society is threatened. Yes, we need major reform. But that has as much to do with sex as we do--it is only part of the whole.
It outright ENRAGES me when I hear it implied, or speak to someone who insists that these things--homosexuality, transgenderism, feminism, equality, freedom, gay marriage--are wrong, so wrong that they should be punished, and that those who practice them deserve the horrors that can befall them.
I do not care if you disagree with me on these topics, I do not care if you think I am going to hell, I DO NOT CARE IF YOU HATE ME, but when that hate begins to impact my life...when that judgement hurts innocent people...when that intolerance causes pain to the ones I love, I stop being so accepting of your faults. NO ONE deserves to hurt others for their beliefs, NO ONE, not me, not the government, not anybody. God is the only one who can judge others.
Have you forgotten your religion's core tenants so easily, or do they only exist when they are impact you, not when you want to do the opposite?
Fuck them all. And NOT in the good way.
Note: Inspired by reading comments on some entry of Sexie Sadie's.
Showing posts with label sexie sadie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sexie sadie. Show all posts
Monday, March 1, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
18 ~ Open Marriages
I discovered polyamory online, and solidified my understanding through Sexie Sadie's blog, through which I also discovered Jenny Block. (I still need to read her novel, Open.)
Open marriages intrigue me. If I get married one day, the likelihood of it being monogamous is minimal. Either I'll marry my Sam, or I'll marry a man and hope to keep a relationship with Sam, and whoever else I am with at the time. (I am open to change, and I may end up monogamous; it depends on the situation. No need to worry about that just yet. I don't even have a love life now.)
Jenny Block's immediately clicked with me, because that's what I am, essentially, planning for myself. A boyfriend and a girlfriend. (Maybe more, but again, who knows?) I'm bisexual, and I am too intense for just one relationship, I think. Especially now, in my blossoming adult life.
Sexie Sadie's example, however, did not really appeal to me at first. I preferred the idea of polyamory--multiple romantic partners, V's and quads, and so forth. Though now I realize Sam and I are more Open than anything, my interest stands.
What baffles me, however, aside from the entire marriage deal, is people's reactions to nonmonogamy. People baffle me regularly on a plethora of subjects, why would this be any different? It doesn't help that polyamory is widely unknown, misunderstood, and fairly unusual. But in this brave new world--in America of all places, where we be inured to new ideas al-damn-ready--people still react with hate, intolerance, and cruelty.
Husbands in open relationships seem to catch more specific shit than open wives, who are labeled "sluts" or "whores" (like any sexually liberated female, sadly), but it is the men that have difficulty finding partners and not being treated like a misogynistic prick for their choices.
Even though, as far as I have seen (and I could, of course, be completely wrong), it is the wives who suggest opening up the marriage. I don't know of many examples, but between Sexie Sadie, Jenny Block, and Frederick, it was always the woman who brought the idea up. Whether because they were unable to be monogamous, unable to avoid cheating, or whatever else, it was the women who brought it up first.
This makes sense to me. Most guys seem unable to brave that little bit of communication. They might not want to try because they want their wives more than anything, or they'd rather just cheat than risk her trust and partnership, but men--the biologically hornier of the sexes--keep quiet on these ideas. And that's admirable, but unfair.
Maybe, just maybe, more women would be open to such an arrangement than most people think. Men want to have sex, a lot, and few things get in their way. Women succumb to fatigue, and menstruation, and pregnancy, and not being in the mood, and even age. Men are almost always willing, never menstruate, never get pregnant, are almost always willing (did I already say that?), and keep at it until well into middle age. (They can keep fathering children, for gods-sake!) As long as the relationship was honest and open, the extra spice openness can bring into a marriage is very appealing.
Obviously this would not work for everyone. Many people love being monogamous, and others can't get over jealousy, or have problems being completely communicative, or don't have time in their life for the extra stress and work openness requires. But if it was a more acceptable alternative to divorce and unhappiness, and if there was more of a community to help married people out...it seems like all this would work better.
But what do I know? ;P
Open marriages intrigue me. If I get married one day, the likelihood of it being monogamous is minimal. Either I'll marry my Sam, or I'll marry a man and hope to keep a relationship with Sam, and whoever else I am with at the time. (I am open to change, and I may end up monogamous; it depends on the situation. No need to worry about that just yet. I don't even have a love life now.)
Jenny Block's immediately clicked with me, because that's what I am, essentially, planning for myself. A boyfriend and a girlfriend. (Maybe more, but again, who knows?) I'm bisexual, and I am too intense for just one relationship, I think. Especially now, in my blossoming adult life.
Sexie Sadie's example, however, did not really appeal to me at first. I preferred the idea of polyamory--multiple romantic partners, V's and quads, and so forth. Though now I realize Sam and I are more Open than anything, my interest stands.
What baffles me, however, aside from the entire marriage deal, is people's reactions to nonmonogamy. People baffle me regularly on a plethora of subjects, why would this be any different? It doesn't help that polyamory is widely unknown, misunderstood, and fairly unusual. But in this brave new world--in America of all places, where we be inured to new ideas al-damn-ready--people still react with hate, intolerance, and cruelty.
Husbands in open relationships seem to catch more specific shit than open wives, who are labeled "sluts" or "whores" (like any sexually liberated female, sadly), but it is the men that have difficulty finding partners and not being treated like a misogynistic prick for their choices.
Even though, as far as I have seen (and I could, of course, be completely wrong), it is the wives who suggest opening up the marriage. I don't know of many examples, but between Sexie Sadie, Jenny Block, and Frederick, it was always the woman who brought the idea up. Whether because they were unable to be monogamous, unable to avoid cheating, or whatever else, it was the women who brought it up first.
This makes sense to me. Most guys seem unable to brave that little bit of communication. They might not want to try because they want their wives more than anything, or they'd rather just cheat than risk her trust and partnership, but men--the biologically hornier of the sexes--keep quiet on these ideas. And that's admirable, but unfair.
Maybe, just maybe, more women would be open to such an arrangement than most people think. Men want to have sex, a lot, and few things get in their way. Women succumb to fatigue, and menstruation, and pregnancy, and not being in the mood, and even age. Men are almost always willing, never menstruate, never get pregnant, are almost always willing (did I already say that?), and keep at it until well into middle age. (They can keep fathering children, for gods-sake!) As long as the relationship was honest and open, the extra spice openness can bring into a marriage is very appealing.
Obviously this would not work for everyone. Many people love being monogamous, and others can't get over jealousy, or have problems being completely communicative, or don't have time in their life for the extra stress and work openness requires. But if it was a more acceptable alternative to divorce and unhappiness, and if there was more of a community to help married people out...it seems like all this would work better.
But what do I know? ;P
Sunday, January 24, 2010
17 ~ Icky Poly
First, some denotations (AKA, the Greek definitions): and my personal connotations:
Polygamy: "the practice of multiple marriage"
Polygyny: "many" + "woman/wife"
Polyandry: "many" + "man"
Polyamory: "many" + "loves"
My personal connotations:
Polygamy: One person married to more than one other. This bothers me because it's one person with many others--not many with many. Plus, it brings to mind the thought of polygyny, where one man has many wives as virtual slaves. That is not always the case, of course, but it is the best known one, and it makes me cringe to hear the word.
Polygyny: This is what most people think of when they hear polygamy. A man with multiple wives who are essentially his slaves; it's common in other cultures and alternative religious sects. It bothers me for the misogynistic tone and for the lack of balance in sexual partners.
Polyandry: I have never heard of this outside of the realm of intellect, so I have nothing to say here. It appears to be much less common, and a lot less practical from a child-bearing, satisfaction-granting perspective. One pregnancy at a time and a lot of excess sperm. Most women can't even keep up with a single man, for gods' sake! Again, I am generalizing, but it's the usual case.
Polyamory: This is what I strive for. It is a term that often reminds others of polygamy, inspiring fear and trepidation in their hearts. I don't blame them. Polygamy is too easily, and too often, abused.
I am interested in a multiple marriage--not that it can be legal in this country; not even a same sex marriage is, not really, goddammit--for the social and comfort aspects. Lots of people you love to help with bills, and sexual needs, and raising your children, to hang out with, to love, to comfort...it would be awesome.
Maybe in the future it will be possible--or maybe we'll just keep it out of the eyes of legality :)
This post was inspired by a blog of Sexie Sadie's.
Polygamy: "the practice of multiple marriage"
Polygyny: "many" + "woman/wife"
Polyandry: "many" + "man"
Polyamory: "many" + "loves"
My personal connotations:
Polygamy: One person married to more than one other. This bothers me because it's one person with many others--not many with many. Plus, it brings to mind the thought of polygyny, where one man has many wives as virtual slaves. That is not always the case, of course, but it is the best known one, and it makes me cringe to hear the word.
Polygyny: This is what most people think of when they hear polygamy. A man with multiple wives who are essentially his slaves; it's common in other cultures and alternative religious sects. It bothers me for the misogynistic tone and for the lack of balance in sexual partners.
Polyandry: I have never heard of this outside of the realm of intellect, so I have nothing to say here. It appears to be much less common, and a lot less practical from a child-bearing, satisfaction-granting perspective. One pregnancy at a time and a lot of excess sperm. Most women can't even keep up with a single man, for gods' sake! Again, I am generalizing, but it's the usual case.
Polyamory: This is what I strive for. It is a term that often reminds others of polygamy, inspiring fear and trepidation in their hearts. I don't blame them. Polygamy is too easily, and too often, abused.
I am interested in a multiple marriage--not that it can be legal in this country; not even a same sex marriage is, not really, goddammit--for the social and comfort aspects. Lots of people you love to help with bills, and sexual needs, and raising your children, to hang out with, to love, to comfort...it would be awesome.
Maybe in the future it will be possible--or maybe we'll just keep it out of the eyes of legality :)
This post was inspired by a blog of Sexie Sadie's.
Friday, January 15, 2010
10 ~ I Apologize...
...TO NO ONE!
At least, not as far as my choices in life, love, religion, and relationships go.
To suggest that anyone has the right or the power to make me feel small or dirty or evil for the way I live my life is beyond wrong, it is DESPICABLE.
I do not give a shit what strangers think of me. I care about what my parents think of me (to a certain extent), what my family thinks of me (to a certain extent), to what my brother thinks of me (absolutely), what my Rose thinks of me (times a million)...so I really don't have time to care about THE WORLD.
Fact is, there are SIX BILLION people on this earth, and if given the opportunity, they would ALL have their own thoughts on how I live my life. Good people would have negative things to say, bad people would have positive, and vice versa. Yes, it would be grand if my idols and people who inspire me and people who are awesome all thought Damn that Agri is one awesome chick, but most of them will ever even know I EXIST, much less how I function, much less agree with who and what I am.
And that's okay.
If the Dalai Lama and Melissa Marr and Sexie Sadie never know me, never think of me, never have opinions on me, that's okay. And if THAT is okay, so is the throngs of close-minded or just different minded people out there who WILL come into contact with me.
I really don't have the time to worry about it.
Note: Post inspired by rereading Sexie Sadie yet again. It's a passionate subject with me, as I have struggled with caring about public opinion in my past, and gods-know I am not necessarily over it 1,000%, but my feelings remain the same.
At least, not as far as my choices in life, love, religion, and relationships go.
To suggest that anyone has the right or the power to make me feel small or dirty or evil for the way I live my life is beyond wrong, it is DESPICABLE.
I do not give a shit what strangers think of me. I care about what my parents think of me (to a certain extent), what my family thinks of me (to a certain extent), to what my brother thinks of me (absolutely), what my Rose thinks of me (times a million)...so I really don't have time to care about THE WORLD.
Fact is, there are SIX BILLION people on this earth, and if given the opportunity, they would ALL have their own thoughts on how I live my life. Good people would have negative things to say, bad people would have positive, and vice versa. Yes, it would be grand if my idols and people who inspire me and people who are awesome all thought Damn that Agri is one awesome chick, but most of them will ever even know I EXIST, much less how I function, much less agree with who and what I am.
And that's okay.
If the Dalai Lama and Melissa Marr and Sexie Sadie never know me, never think of me, never have opinions on me, that's okay. And if THAT is okay, so is the throngs of close-minded or just different minded people out there who WILL come into contact with me.
I really don't have the time to worry about it.
Note: Post inspired by rereading Sexie Sadie yet again. It's a passionate subject with me, as I have struggled with caring about public opinion in my past, and gods-know I am not necessarily over it 1,000%, but my feelings remain the same.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
8 ~ Sexie Sadie
I started this blog, pseudonym and all, because of a very fabulous lady, my favorite sex-blogger, my favorite BLOGGER, the only one I follow religiously--Ms. Sexie Sadie.
http://confessionsfrommyopenmarriage.blogspot.com is ABSOLUTELY A-FUCKING-MAZING!!!
On my search for all things poly, I came across her blog somehow. I don't remember the specifics, and I don't much care, because I am forever grateful.
It's not just nonmonogamy that she talks about and that I learned about (and am still learning about) from reading her blog. It is life and love and her and emotional health and dealing with addiction and, most importantly, MARRIAGE.
I will be the first person to admit that I don't know everything. Not even CLOSE. It's the source of my "enlightenment."
Aggy, why are you so awesome and mature and wise and composed? some people ask. (Or, at least, they SHOULD, because I AM, and because Rose gets asked that, and we are so very similar.)
Because I know I don't know shit, and I'm totally cool with that.
Also because my main motto is "No regrets!" and I am always learning.
I love learning.
Through Ms Sadie's blog, I learn about her, and through her I learn about myriad things. The most prevalent one is marriage.
I grew up with real-life happily-ever-afters. Strong, lasting, growing, beautiful marriages between amazing people. It's why I know true love exists and marriage can work. Sadie reinforces this.
And through her I see the complexities and intricacies and details of such a marriage (though, of course, not all of them, and, of course, not a traditional one--not that "tradition" factors into my life, um, AT ALL). And the knowledge has absolutely FLOORED me.
It's all well and good to know the theory of marriage. Hard work, communication, real-life shit to wade through, personal flaws and the flaws of the other, child-rearing, and so forth. But I have always been the child, or the child's friend, or the family friend, or a relative, or a distant observer. Reading Sadie's blog, I see a slice of her perspective, and it is completely different.
It's hard to explain, and I've been rambling long enough anyway, so the long and the short of it is...Sexie Sadie is amazing, her blog is wonderful, her writing is wonderful, through it I have found so much information and so much that is and will be relevant to my own life, and I am still a huge fan eagerly awaiting the next installment.
Also, the sex stuff? Is amazing :)
http://confessionsfrommyopenmarriage.blogspot.com is ABSOLUTELY A-FUCKING-MAZING!!!
On my search for all things poly, I came across her blog somehow. I don't remember the specifics, and I don't much care, because I am forever grateful.
It's not just nonmonogamy that she talks about and that I learned about (and am still learning about) from reading her blog. It is life and love and her and emotional health and dealing with addiction and, most importantly, MARRIAGE.
I will be the first person to admit that I don't know everything. Not even CLOSE. It's the source of my "enlightenment."
Aggy, why are you so awesome and mature and wise and composed? some people ask. (Or, at least, they SHOULD, because I AM, and because Rose gets asked that, and we are so very similar.)
Because I know I don't know shit, and I'm totally cool with that.
Also because my main motto is "No regrets!" and I am always learning.
I love learning.
Through Ms Sadie's blog, I learn about her, and through her I learn about myriad things. The most prevalent one is marriage.
I grew up with real-life happily-ever-afters. Strong, lasting, growing, beautiful marriages between amazing people. It's why I know true love exists and marriage can work. Sadie reinforces this.
And through her I see the complexities and intricacies and details of such a marriage (though, of course, not all of them, and, of course, not a traditional one--not that "tradition" factors into my life, um, AT ALL). And the knowledge has absolutely FLOORED me.
It's all well and good to know the theory of marriage. Hard work, communication, real-life shit to wade through, personal flaws and the flaws of the other, child-rearing, and so forth. But I have always been the child, or the child's friend, or the family friend, or a relative, or a distant observer. Reading Sadie's blog, I see a slice of her perspective, and it is completely different.
It's hard to explain, and I've been rambling long enough anyway, so the long and the short of it is...Sexie Sadie is amazing, her blog is wonderful, her writing is wonderful, through it I have found so much information and so much that is and will be relevant to my own life, and I am still a huge fan eagerly awaiting the next installment.
Also, the sex stuff? Is amazing :)
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