34 ~ Girl Code

Last I checked, guys had a sort of "guy code" when it came to dating. Basically, you don't fuck another guy's girl or ex-girl or sister, if you are his friend (without asking first). The decent ones, anyway.

Girls are much less civilized.

My closest girl friends either don't date, are awesome, or would never date another friend's ex. When Rose was dating her ex, I developed a crush on him. I felt terrible about it. She was awesome, basically saying, "I tell you EVERYTHING, of course you're attracted to him too ;)"

But I would NEVER have pursued him, even if I lived near her, not even when they broke up. It's called not being a horrible friend.

Well, apparently, I am the minority.

Cat dated my ex, K. I gave her the A-OK--afterall, we were never serious about each other, and she didn't know he was my ex when she met him. But she also told me if I hadn't approved, she would have done it anyway.

Now she is dating our friend Bunny's ex, Casey. Who she still has feelings for. And she found out this guy only dated our friend to get close to her. And she "yelled at him."

Um, what the fuck?

First of all, she is a shitty friend. Second of all, she is a heinous bitch. Third of all, she is a skank. (The last statement is unadulterated fact--only topped by how much skankier he is. Ewww!)

Is it just me, or can girls suck so much worse? Guys may be violent, but girls are emotional terrorists.

I fuckin' hate women sometimes.

5 ~ Knowing Compersion

I know I'm skipping around quite a bit, but I first felt that polyamory was right for me--plausible, possible, probable--when I discovered that I feel compersion.

Compersion is a polyamory term that corresponds to the feeling of pleasure or joy because a partner is experiencing it, though their source is one outside yourself.

Sam has a boyfriend, and not only do I feel absolutely no jealousy, I feel downright happy to know she has someone to spend time with and have fun with while I am unavailable.

Plus, he knows about us and is perfectly amenable.

Not only did I experience compersion, I experienced it even after Cat was the one to tell me first that Sam had a boyfriend. (I finally, after several weeks, know his damn name--Edward. And he's super cute, of course; we would accept nothing less.) I was totally unphased. Essentially, my response was, "I love her, I trust her, and we agreed to date outside one another. Her not telling me doesn't mean anything. It's her life, and I'm happy for her."

This new direction I am taking feels juuust right.

4 ~ My "Plans"

Sam and I are Open, and I am looking for polyamorous relationships as well as FWBs (friends-with-benefits).

Why?

Sam and I are roughly 1500 miles away from one another, and at the earliest (AKA, if I don't, I will scream) I am visiting her this upcoming summer. As well as my best friend, Rose, my non-biological and unrequited love, Kaleb, my good-yet-infuriating pal, Cat, and many others--including, hopefully, a tattoo shop.

Which means that I just can't wait for her.

Polyamory's taglines include "love is infinite" and "we can't be everything to the ones we love." These both apply to Sam and me. I love her, but she doesn't have all my love, and I want her in my life, but the distance is a big barrier. It's hard enough to find a good relationship without suffering for one you want to keep, not kill.

We are on the same page, and it is wonderful. I am moving into this whole thing slower than she is, because I left my entire social life (which took six fucking years to build) back home. A lot of it has fragmented, as everyone's gone off to college, and that's just one more reason why I am now here instead of there.

I'm on OkC, I'm taking things slow, and I have high hopes for the future.

3 ~ Sexual History

Many would consider me "not really poly," and I don't disagree with them...for now.

In fact, I'm "not really anything" right now, because I am still a virgin. Eighteen years old and still a virgin. The thought plagues me daily.

There's no good reason for it. I was raised with amazing, understanding parents who taught me to think for myself and love who I am as a person. It took me a while to get there, but I'm here, and still no sex.

Sometimes it feels like a divine conspiracy. I am pretty, I have D-cups and a Puerto Rican ass, and I'm a totally awesome person. I have fooled around with several girls, most especially my ex Quinn, and with one guy, Kevin (K) my ex semi-boyfriend. But still no sex.

Part of that is because I have a high opinion of myself and standards to match, even when I was at my most depressed and self-hateful. (I am very proud of myself for avoiding dumbass decisions!) Even when I was getting shit-faced and making out with girls in closets and rubbing up on guys I'd never met. For which I am ever grateful, no thanks to Catherine (Cat), my ex-best still-friend. But I digress.

Whatever the reason, I am NOT going to endure my virginity for my longer. I am on OkCupid, I am chatting people up, I have plans for next week, I am going to college, and I am an adult. I may live with my parents, but I am their ward no longer.

The result? Sam and I are Open.