Sunday, April 18, 2010

53 ~ New OKC Chat-Up

I responded to his OKC message, then OKC IM'd him, and now we've moved onto YIM. This is all in the last few hours.

Note: I was a teensy bit high (hyper, really) before, and now I've had two beers (tipsy, tired from an awesome day, and again, hyper) and I'm already exuberant, so woo-ee!

At first, I was a bit hesitant. Not the best grammar, etc. But not awful, it's the internet afterall, and slowly we hit it off. Now more strongly.

We shall call him Austin, which is also where he lives! Not quite his name, but oh well!

He's really cool, and he likes that I am straightforward, strong, and sexy. (ALLITERATIONWHORE!!!) A guy, earlier, rejected me on those grounds. What the fuck. I already have a pussy, I don't need another one!

I need to stop doing shit when I'm tipsy, etc.

Oh well, I am enjoying myself, and OKC has proven to be pretty cool yet again!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

51 ~ Where Is Sex Positivism?

I am currently reading when I'm waiting for whatever it is I'm waiting for. The stories on their amuse me.

But after the first several dozen pages I read, I began to notice a trend: how much pain could be saved if heteronormative wasn't the only option.

And now, even further along, another observation is much stronger: AMERICAN WOMEN ARE COMPLACENT WITH THEIR BOYFRIENDS.

Do we live in the dark ages, where having a man justified whatever abuse and neglect it resulted in? He beats me, cheats on me, insults me, and hates me, but at least I'm not a spinster!

Fuck. This. Shit.

I do not identify with the term "feminist." It is very difficult to label me, so I take what words fit a piece of me, and I run with them. I have hated the term "feminism" since I stopped hating men, circa my fourteenth year of life. Isms are bad in general, because they lend so well into extremism, and such a great concept as women's rights being perverted into anti-male enraged me beyond belief. And still does. But now there's a new term--sex-positive. Groovy!

If only women could see themselves.

Not all women, of course, but a majority that shouldn't be so major. Because in addition to complacency comes ignorance. Females, on a biological level, are attracted to confidence; confidence is more likely to be associated with a man capable of providing for offspring. TRUE confidence is extremely sexy. Girls don't know that ASSHOLE does not equal CONFIDENCE. Usually quite the opposite (not counting cases such as my father, who is an ass, but knows it, and is lovable anyway).

Females of our society suffer for the lack of knowledge of their OPTIONS. They know they have a CHOICE, but not knowing how many choices are available is the same as not being able to choose. Getting stuck with heterosexual, monogamous relationships ONLY, and not knowing that you CAN have something else, is one such rut.

Rose, my best friend, is both of these things, but she knows she has a choice, and she chose this. She also knows that she deserves to be treated with respect, she knows she deserves a man who finds her attractive and cares about what she has to say, and another important quality--CARES IF SHE IS ACHIEVING ORGASM.

To wrap up this rant that is getting nowhere, one entry on pissed me off more than any of the others (though not by much):

Today, me and my girlfriend were watching some show about sex on the discovery channel. The topic of female orgasms came up and she said, "Wow, I wonder what that's like?" We've been dating and sexually active for three years. FML

That, to me, epitomizes what is wrong in American female culture. FUCK THAT SHIT. I AM HAVING ALL FUTURE PROSPECTS FILL OUT A SURVEY ON THE FIRST DATE. First question:

Are you interested in giving me orgasms? Yes/no. If no, go fuck yourself.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

50 ~ Silver Lining

I am CONSTANTLY exhausted in some way. Physically, emotionally, mentally. Always spiritually. I have three weeks till I am done with this semester, but until then, there is no escaping the hell of routine.

However, this is not all bad news. I have absolutely no time or energy to pine for my three favorite things:

1) Unrequited love.

2) Long distance girlfriend.

3) Lack of boyfriend and/or sex.

I love ya, Kaleb; I miss ya, Sam; I want ya, William. But...even now, as I sit here actively thinking of these things I lack, I got nothing. Okay, a vague sense of twisting in my stomach, but that could also be excitement, or mild fear. Like holy shit I have a test tomorrow.

It's oddly peaceful, but not to last. Not when I visit everybody this summer. But until innards are quiet.

Monday, April 12, 2010

49 ~ Baby Poly

I realized the other day that I was almost poly once--three years before I knew what the word meant.

One of my guy friends in high school, Ray, was pretty cute, and I was kinda crushing on him. He'd been crushing on me, too. In groups of friends like mine was back then--small, antisocial, and able to put up with bitches like me--everybody tends to crush on everyone else. We were both bisexual, and both more like the opposite gender; I wasn't a tomboy (I wasn't sporty), but I was laid-back, uninterested in looking pretty everyday, and generally masculine. He was the opposite. We were both pretty emo.

One day, we're talking on MSN, and we say we want to date each other. One problem--he has a girlfriend. He asked if she said yes if we could date. I said sure.

Well, she ended up saying no, but it almost happened. Now, it would be just that more likely to start, AND not burst into flames.

That is, if I ever get a date down here :)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

48 ~ Naked Hygiene

Here is the era of hairlessness--in both women and men. Where words such as "manscaping" are not only vernacular, but implied and referred to as a societal norm and preference. Where porn stars are airbrushed, hairless, and mostly synthetic.

I highly disagree with this.

I was raised by a REAL man and a woman who LOVES it that way. Hair is natural; cellulite is prevalent. I've seen some older porn, and it's like another world--women with HAIR, and CELLULITE, and they are considered SEXY. Whoa. It's almost surreal.

In men, I like hair. It's masculine, which is why I am attracted to men; I'm bi, so if I wanted a woman, I'd fuck one (and have). In women, I also like hair; it's soft, and fun to play with. Not all shaved pussies look childlike, but it IS the first thing that comes to mind.

I have pubic hair. I do not shave. For one thing, it gets itchy and painful when I shave ANYWHERE, so down thanks. (And my friends love giving me every TMI tidbit imaginable, and the horror stories strike fear into my soul.) I don't even shave my legs because it's "right"--I do it when I feel like it, because I like the way it feels. It makes me feel sexy, all that smooth skin...just not for my vagina. (I do, however, trim...when I remember to. I let my hairy hygiene slip a lot, because I don't have anyone to have sex with, so it doesn't affect me in practical terms.)

I will probably have cellulite for the rest of my life. Even while losing weight, even with exercise, unless I go crazy with it or get plastic surgery, it will be there. AND IT IS NOT AN IMPERFECTION. It is proof that I have meat on these bones, and I rather like the feel of them. And stretch marks. I am all about scars; texture is yummy. Can you tell I'm tactile ;)

Naked hygiene has gone somewhere in my generation that I do not agree with, and that I will never agree with. I eagerly await the next changeover when pin-up models return as the societal definition of beauty. Until then, I shall be myself, and I shall be proud! Don't like it? Don't fuck me!

Monday, April 5, 2010

47 ~ Bones

I am a fan of the TV show, BONES, but not an episode goes by that something in it does not tick me off.

Granted, most things tick me off, and on a regular basis, but BONES never fails to not only include, but to EMPHASIZE things that make me angry. Case and point, an episode I watched today.

I was surprised at the turnabout today, because it is usually Temperance Brennan that rubs me the wrong way, but this time it was Seely Booth. Which is saying something, because he is extremely sexy. He is also Catholic, and annoyingly vanilla, mainstream, and narrow-minded. This episode, however, was far worse than usual.

The background of the mystery was "pony play" (I believe that is the term they used), a fetish where people dress up as, you guessed it, ponies and had riders, the whole shebang. Not a fetish that interests me, but I'm cool with it; it isn't surprising that it exists, and it doesn't weird me out like some kinks do. (I am cool with most kinks I have heard of, but dealing with extremely dangerous components is a huge turn-off.)

In any case, Booth was a total dick throughout the entire episode, calling them freaks, treating them like there was something wrong with them, degrading kink in general. At the end of the episode he even had a little speech, saying that sex with kink is lesser because it's making love that is truly amazing, yada yada ya.

A few disclaimers: I believe that sex with a special connection is better. I believe that casual sex is not in the same league as sex in a deep relationship. And I do not believe that kink is a substitute for emotional depth.

That's just is! It should be an ADDITION. But the woman of the deceased was even dumping her husband for having this kink. Granted, he was also having an affair, and I don't think that is acceptable, but I didn't exactly blame him. Her first reaction when she saw the kink? "He's a pervert."

That is a typical reaction, so the character didn't anger me, the general opinion did. Seely exemplified this. And I was in a rage over it. Close-mindedness prevailed in that episode.

Brennan, however, was totally awesome, talking about the perfectly normal, perfectly healthy presence of fetishism in human sexuality. Unlike the rest of the opinions involved.

Once again it is proven that I can NEVER work with hardcore scientists, Christians, or vanilla people. I'd either scare them, convert them, or kill them. Or they'd kill me. Fun!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

46 ~ I Take After My Mother

Jonah and I are very good friends. He is the first friend I made here in Texas, and he is pretty awesome. My mother and my grandmother think he's adorable, and were constantly teasing me about him, assuming we are dating because I hang out with him a lot. I keep reinforcing that this is not the case (without going into details about how much we've discussed this) and they have finally taken the hint.

Because yesterday, I showed my girly side :)

The last time I hung out with him, all day, at his dorm, he gave me a bunch of statuettes. One of a wolf, one of an eagle, and one of a horse. His sister made them, and he sells them so he is less poor. Well, he gave me three, as well as an eagle necklace (to go along with the wolf necklace he gave me the first time we met), and I tried to pay him a bit--I had five bucks on me--but then he bought me more food. I told my parents this, and my mom was thrilled.

I reinforced it with: "We're not in a relationship, and never will be. Whether he's trying to woo me or not, I have been perfectly clear on this matter, and he likes giving me stuff anyway. I'm totally cool with that!"

Apparently, I take after my mother, only I'm not cruel :)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

45 ~ Hook Up

I keep thinking "my family couldn't get any cooler," and they keep proving me wrong :)

My grandma has been trying to hook me up with someone for a while now. She's always talking about young, cute guys who work with her, or who are sons, grandsons of her coworkers. It is not panned out, for several reasons.

Now my dad is doing the same thing!

Apparently, a twenty-year-old is doing some clinicals at my dad's work. He caught my dad's attention by complaining about the religious nuts at Baylor, where he attends college. He reminds my dad of Sandusky from Tropical Thunder, and he's quirky and weird, which we approve of in this family.


My dad said something about inviting him to dinner. Here's hoping!

Sunday, March 28, 2010

44 ~ If Only I Had A Boyfriend...

I could spend the night away from my family.

I could take out my frustrations.

I could cry on a shoulder.