29 ~ It's Weird

Yes, I totally failed to blog about the new guy I met, but almost immediately after I went to post about him, a bunch of drama happened.

Even now when I think about it, I feel all...blah inside.

But I have an exam tomorrow and I'd rather be doing ANYTHING but study, so here I am :)

Okay...so Jonah hasn't been mentioned here in a while, because I tend to look at my life and go "nothing is happening on the boyfriend front, so fuck this." Well, Jonah is NOT something happening on the boyfriend front, but he's related. Ish.

We met on OkC, which is where I am in order to try for a boyfriend. He is the means by which I met my new sorta-crush. We have been hanging out a lot and talking a lot and we're pretty good friends. He's my only outside-of-school Texas friend at the moment.

He is also sooo not my type.

It's not so much the physical stuff--he's not downright ugly, nor is he that fat (he's skinnier than my new crush, in fact)--but that we aren't compatible as a couple, he could never do polyamory, he has emotional problems (the moment he starts to get too clingy, I'm out), and he's a bit unstable. Like, I doubt he would ever be at all dangerous, but he's cocky and often insists that we will have sex at one point.

More than that, he talks in hypotheticals that assumes I will ever want to do anything sexual with him.

There are many reasons why this is not the case. One, he doesn't enjoy penetrative sex that much, and that is a huge turn-off for me. Two, he's a little too focused on kink, and I'm not comfortable with all that as necessary for fun. Three, I'm not attracted to him, AT ALL. Four, I don't feel comfortable around him. Not like I'm in danger, but like I don't want to touch him. Five, I've already fought against the idea so adamantly, I refuse to ever back down. No matter how much vodka is involved.

The night of the social outing, he bought me cigarettes and food and we hung out till way late, then his friend (the one I'm crushing on) drove me home, with him in the car of course. Said friend would not be available next week, so I asked if I could spend the night after the social stuff with Jonah. Well, apparently this made him uncomfortable, which he coulda mentioned at the time.

Then, later, as we discussed it, he KEPT GOING ON ABOUT WHAT IFS. Sex stuff, promises, etc. Like, if anything is to happen, I'll make sure it was decided before, and it would only be foreplay.

At first I was just "haha, not gonna happen," but then he kept going on about it. Then I got annoyed. Like, really annoyed.

I have many traits similar to that of a teenage boy, and I have been craving sex forEVER, but I am NOT a teenage boy (if I was, I'd already have gotten laid) so when I say "there is no reason to talk about this, it is a what if comparable to me converting to Christianity" I really fucking mean it.

But he was persistent, and then I got mad, and then I stopped feeling so comfortable with the idea of spending the night at his place. And if I can't go out regularly, I don't want to go out at all--I'm very extreme this way.

OH, and THEN I got to thinking about the night. We'd been slightly touchy-feely--me leaning on him, using him as a footstool, no big deal. But he kept staring at me, and touching my legs softly, and not backing down, and it made me feel weird. So I said no more of that EVER.

Also, AHHHH. Boys suck. And, um, what was the last thing? Oh yeah. His meds wore out during this conversation and I had a depressive episode (I have NOT been diagnosed with anything, there is NOT anything to diagnose) and BLAAAH.

This is waaay long, so it counts as the weekend's entries :P