22 ~ Agri Anonymous

Why am I anonymous?

Most people are anonymous online. Even with Facebook, where you can't view most pictures or personal information without adding another person.

However, when it comes to sex (or not quite yet, in my case) blogging, people tend to be extra anonymous. I can't speak for others, but I keep this blog completely separate from my other online accounts--not just Facebook, but Livejournal and Twitter, which are separate from my Facebook, etc. This is an absolutely separate account.

Most sex bloggers that I've seen follow a similar pattern. Most don't show their faces (Half-Nekkid Thursday doesn't generally show enough to identify the person, unless you've seen them naked) and most also keep the rest of their life completely separate from their blog.

Which, again, raises the question: why?

There are several reasons to be secretive. Out of shame, out of fear; to keep things sane, to keep things simple.

Is it simpler to do this blog like this, without any ties to anything related to me, that only Rose knows about? I suppose. It doesn't make much of a difference, really, especially not yet.

Is it saner? I suppose. Again, not much of a difference yet.

Am I afraid? Hell no! I risk my life regularly just by admitting I'm Pagan and bisexual--it's so fun to bring these facts up, especially now, in Texas--so compartmentalizing polyamory doesn't matter much. Most people don't understand the term, and already have plenty of reasons to think I'm having crazy orgies in my spare time as it is.

Am I ashamed? It might seem so--and I might be. I'm not quite sure, myself. Not of being polyamorous, or Pagan, or bisexual, but of talking about it with family and not-close friends...a bit. My parents know I'm bi, and probably know I'm Pagan, and the same is true for most of my friends.

But...

Reading this blog is like reading my vagina's soul. And certain topics--how much I've done sexually, how I plan to escalate, and most importantly, my unrequited love for Kaleb--are DEFINITELY not for my family's ears.

It's...sticky, the situation.

I'm not sure how much sense I'm making, but here it goes: I don't like talking to my family about certain things. Sex in general, philosophy, politics--these are all well and good, but...MY genitals, MY spirituality, MY eccentricities...I don't want them to think everything.

Other friends are just too vanilla for me to talk to them candidly. And that's fine! My parents certainly aren't. And they love me no matter what and would never kick me out of the house or anything. They wouldn't even condemn me for my choices, not in the slightest.

But...(AGAIN!)

They don't like paganism, and they associate nonmonogamy with sluttitude, and I don't want to risk the awkward feeling. I feel that way when I CRY near them; how the hell can I handle THIS?

Maybe one day, but not anytime soon.

Say what you want about me, feel dissapointed, sneer at me, I don't care. I'm being honest, and that's all I ask of myself unerringly. I'm not going to pretend that I'm having sex and telling everyone I meet how things roll with me. (Though I am an open book once I get rolling--with strangers. How odd is that?)

If you asked my parents, they'd tell you I was loud, opinionated, bordering on judgemental, and a total prude. Ironic much? Yeah, I used to not be able to look at myself naked, and I STILL don't want them seeing me naked, but other people...not so much ;)

Gah, my thoughts are a mess today. Hopefully tomorrow runs smoother. (And hopefully I don't fail to post so long ever again!!!)