1 ~ Finding Polyamory

Like any story worth reading, mine begins with a girl.

Three years ago, I met Samantha.

Sam and I were both 15, though not long after we met we turned 16. It was a crazy time for us both. Ironically enough, both of our emotional terrorists were named Frederick. I was unaware of just how deeply her pain ran, or just how badly she was hurting herself, but there were no lasting ill-effects beyond the usual emotional scars.

We clicked almost instantly. Our macabre humor was born of ugliness, but gave us a change to freak out our classmares and be like no other to each other.

Sam had a crush on me, and I had a crush on Sam. But nothing ever happened. I had a long-distance girlfriend (Quinn) and I hated myself too much to ever believe she could like me, so of course nothing came of it. Except, of course, my novel.

Looking back, it was all quite obvious. We have always behaved like a couple, rife with drama, but without all the fun, sexy stuff. I have a lot of fond memories, and a lot of less-than-pleasant ones, but I regret none of them.

About a year and a half ago, we had lost touch, and I emailed her so delicately and sweetly that she had her boyfriend drive her to my house at 1am, where we proceeded to talk-talk-talk-talk and talk some more--as well as to kiss, once, clumsily, with teeth, and me laughing, and the mood never recovered.

Again, we fell out of contact for a while.

Then, in the second half of my last year of high school, we reconnected. She saved me on a regular basis from my last two classes and drove me anywhere and everywhere. Usually to the mall. We talked and laughed and cut class with none of my teachers ever the wiser. Once again, we might as well have been a couple.

Then, disaster hit.

Disaster for "us," anyway. Right after graduation, I was to move away, to Texas. We were reconnecting, a relationship was imminent...but it wasn't enough of a reason for me to stay in a worse economy, where even with a scholarship I would have to pay for room and board, food, transportation, and everything else. Where would my dog go? How would I afford a place? Was it worth it?

No, it wasn't worth staying where I had no family and few friends.

The night before I left, she visited me briefly, and when I walked her to her car in the middle of a dark and creepy street, she kissed me. Three times. On the lips, so sweetly, so softly. I was stunned, I had no idea how to react. Another friend of mine was standing right there!

So I said goodbye, and I left, and now I'm here.

But this is not the end of Sam and I. Oh, no, not by a long shot, not if I can help it. You see, I missed her terribly when I came here, all alone in this house for several weeks, that one of my first acts upon getting the internet back was to talk to her on Facebook. Late at night and for hours. I wanted her and I to be something, and she wanted that, too.

But we had to face the facts. I may be female, but I am pretty damn horny, and I've been lonely enough for the past eighteen years, I saw no reason to keep that up. Neither did she.

So I hopped onto Google...

And there it was, the answer to my problems.

Polyamory.