9 ~ Shitstorm Imminent

I am going to fuck this up.

Polyamory, romance, love, life, everything, in general.

Maybe a lot, maybe a little, maybe both.

It's how everything works.

There are learning curves and there is trial-and-error and there is dumb, blind luck. So many factors, so many variables that are so important and so impossible to predict.

Even if I was perfect, which I am SO not, there would be fuck-ups. It's the way things work. I am not being pessimistic or fatalistic, as much as it sounds that way.

I am an optimist wrapped in realism, I am a realist wrapped in pessimism, I am a pessimist wrapped in optimism.

I hope for--and work for--the best, but life happens. I know that life is crazy and wild and unpredictable and balance, and bad things will come of it. I have been through, continue to, and will always have shit to deal with--but life is worth it, life is also REALLY FUCKING AWESOME.

I know there will be good, I know there will be bad...I know all of that is just perspective, I know everything will eventually pass, and change.

I'm okay with that. I relish it. I thrive in it. I am HAPPY for it.

All I hope is to do my best, continue to grow closer to Rose, and LEARN. Always, always, ALWAYS learn from my mistakes, my successes, the mistakes and successes of others.

That's LIFE, and whether monogamous or nonmonogamous, it will always be, just...life.

Just making sure it's obvious NOW, so that I don't seem to be ONLY retrospective, and because--when the time comes--I'm sure I'll appreciate the reminder...from myself...preemptively.